Playground
by Tina Chaves1
Summary: Rachel thinks about her decision of staying for Ross.


**Playground**  
by Tina

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New fic, yes. Details at the end. Now, just read ;) Hm, please? haha!

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"Hey mom!" 

"Rachel? Hi! Isn't it a bit early for you to be in Paris yet?" 

"Actually..." Rachel couldn't contain her smile "I didn't go." 

"What?" 

"I'm still here, mom. And I think this is where I'll be staying." 

"Why?" 

"Things happened... Ross and I are back together!" 

"So you're staying?" 

"Yeah." 

"Because of Ross?" 

"Yes." 

Rachel was too happy to sense her mother's silence and, with all her naivety, sighed. 

"Oh, I'm so happy, mom!" 

"I- I'm glad." 

"Anyway... I'll be stopping by tomorrow to pick up Emma, is that okay?" 

"Sure" 

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow" 

"Rachel" 

"Yes?" 

"Could you come over by yourself?" 

Confused, Rachel gagged. 

"Oh, hm, okay. Bye." 

"Bye"

* * *

The past 48 hours had been a hell of a rollercoaster. First, the prospect of leaving forever. Leaving Ross forever. Then his sweet words, her confusion and the realisation. She _loved_ him. He was the only man she'd ever loved and she knew she couldn't turn her back to that. What if she never found love again? She probably never would, she had been in love with that man for too long. Besides, she didn't want anyone else, this was it. 

Coming back to him. 

_"I am never letting you go again..."_

It all seemed too perfect to believe. 

But now the consequences came. Calling Paris and Mark. She knew she'd let them down. Mark, in special. The night they went out to dinner she'd told him about how she and Ross were just _'good friends'_ now and knew just how many strings he'd pulled to offer her such an amazing job. She didn't have the perfect resumé after all. A few lousy years of Bloomingdale's and Rauph Lauren would not get her such job without interference. She didn't even have a degree in fashion after all! 

But... she could live with that. She'd settle for a random job, make enough money to support her family. God, she had a _family_ now! With a man and everything! Maybe soon, a ring placed on her finger and a few more kids, maybe? 

Rachel smiled. 

It was not just the job though. 

She had been prepared to be far away when all the major chances came. Now she had to endure the act of looking out Ross' window and seeing her old apartment empty. It hurt. And going to Central Perk... man, that would be depressing now. Starting with the fact she couldn't face Gunther anymore. She knew it was silly, but she felt for him. She knew it would hurt him to see that she didn't stay for him, but stayed for Ross. 

Sure, it's a completely different situation, but still...! 

That same morning, she had gone down there for breakfast with Ross and didn't feel like home anymore. The friendly faces, they were so far away. 

Now she was in her rented car, driving up to her mom's. Her request over the phone the previous night had got her wondering. Did she want to talk to Rachel, was that it? About what? She wouldn't stand to realise she had disapointed yet someone new with her decision to stay. And this time, it was different. It was her mother. Not only Rachel felt like she should be making her proud, but also she knew Sandra Green would not keep her mouth shut like Mark and Gunther had. 

She turned the engive off in front of her mother's house and sighed. 

Here we go. 

_Ding-dong_

Sandra opened the door. 

"Hey mom" 

Rachel didn't have a mirror, but she could almost feel the look of true happiness she still wore. Despite all the doubts and disapoitment, the simple fact she was with Ross made her glow in a special way. She so hoped her mother could notice it. 

"Hi sweetie" 

They hugged. 

"Come on in" 

Entering the apartment, Rachel quickly spotted Emma playing on the floor with wooden blocks. 

"Ow, Emma!" 

Only one day away from her daughter and she already terribly missed her. She wished the toddler could understand the amazing thing that had happened to her parents. 'Ah, she'll feel it', Rachel told herself. 

Emma opened a huge smile. 

"Mamma!" 

She stood up by herself. Rachel knelt down and opened her arms wide as the little girl took quick steps towards her mother. 

"Oh, mommy's missed you so much!" 

Rachel stood up with Emma wrapped tightly in her arms. She kissed her blonde hair and looked at Sandra over Emma's shoulder. 

"This time she's asked about you more often than usual. I think she knew you were going to move out" 

"Must've been the way Ross said goodbye to her" 

Rachel recalled the heartbreaking scene with relief. 

"Right, about that..." Rachel looked at her mother, aprehensive. "Would you like some tea?" 

"No" 

"Some coffee, anything?" 

"No, thanks, I'm fine" 

"Okay then" Sandra sat down on the couch. "Come here, Rachel, we should have a little chat" 

Rachel set Emma back on the floor with her toys and joined her mother. 

"Sure, what is it?" 

Sandra looked at Rachel with a motherly look that melted Rachel's heart. She knew everything she was going to say was for her own good. Sandra might not have been a so called perfect mom, but she was the only one she had. And she loved her. She just wanted good things for her, Rachel knew that. 

"Sweetie... First of all... I just wanna tell you that I'm really happy for you, okay? I just..." she trailed off and looked at Rachel before going on. "I just want to know if you're really sure about this" 

Rachel took her mother's hand and smiled. 

"I am" 

She hoped her simple yet heartfelt words would be enough. 

"But honey..." 

Clearily not. 

"You have to realise this is a once in a life time oportunity you're throwing away, here!" 

"I do, mom. And I'm fine with it. It's worth it" 

"Okay, how do you know that?" 

"I just do" 

"But how? It's not like your relationship hasn't been rocky and complicated before!" 

Now she was reaching a tricky spot on Rachel. She never liked to discuss her relationship with Ross. People just didn't understand. It was rocky, it was complicated, yes. It was that and so much more! Including fullfilling, satisfying and worth it! Simple knowledge of facts didn't make people understand everything that happened between them. It was more than words could express. It was beyond mere facts. 

"Mom, I beg you, don't start" 

"No, really, Rachel. Just think about how you're throwing this away for a chance. There's a chance it might work, yes. But there's also a chance it might not. And... I'm sorry to say this, but based on your past, I'd say the second option's more likely to happen here with you two" 

Rachel's eyes filled with tears. She couldn't believe her own mother was telling her that. 

But also... because a tiny part of her had already thought about this. The part that thought maybe things would end up going wrong one more time. It'd happened before, right? She thought they were safe, that they were going to make it and then... something happened. Something always happened. 

A list, a copy girl, a long letter,... 

And she always ended up broken hearted. And alone... 

Maybe this time, she could get off better if she left. 

She would have a better chance of getting over him without seeing him everyday. She'd meet new people, wouldn't have to _face_ the absense of the most important people in her life. In Paris, she would miss them, yes. But she wouldn't have to see the empty apartment. Or worse, soon there'd be new people there. In her little _playground_. 

_"This used to be my playground, this used to be my childhood dream. This used to be the place I ran to, whenever I was in need of a friend. Why did it have to end?"_

The empty coffee house. The shallow job. 

And what if she lost him? After all, now he was all she seemed to have there. 

_"This used to be my playground, this used to be my pride and joy. This used to be the place I ran to that no one in the world could dare destroy..."_

Rachel swallowed. 

No. 

This was just a new phase they were going through. Life changes. They couldn't go on as single 20 years old sipping coffee at Central Perk everyday. Things had changed and that didn't have to be a bad thing. These things were always hard at first, but she'd manage. She'd done it before when she moved out from her parents' home, hadn't she? 

Now they were all getting married, having kids, moving. And that wasn't bad! 

Yes! 

"I'm sorry, mom, but you're wrong. We've talked about this. We realise we've been wrong before and we're not gonna make the same old mistakes. I don't know if this means anything to you, but I love him. He makes me happy. And I wanna be happy again, you know? We have each other now, we'll make it right. We don't wanna lose what we have, we'll hang on to it." 

"Wasn't this what you thought that would happen last time?" 

Rachel looked down, defeated. 

Was there even a way she could convince her mother? 

And now that she thought about it... was there even a chance to convince _herself_?

* * *

Emma was too fussy on the stroller, so Rachel had to put her down and was now having a difficult time going up the stairs to Ross' apartment with the strolled, Emma's bags and the little girl's hand. When they finally reached his floor, Rachel rested some of her bags on the hallway and sighed. Her long chat with her mother her worn her out completely, she didn't need this on top of it. 

The way back to the city had not been enough to give her some time to think about what her mother told her. She desperately wanted to forget it, but it had stirred her insecurity and fear more than she expected or wanted. 

What if they broke up?? It was a possibility after all! 

Would she hate herself for staying? Would she look back and say "so naive!"? 

Naive... Romantic... Fool... Blind... Innocent... 

She was too old for those adjectives and she knew it. 

Shouldn't she by now be one of those practical experienced women out there? She was a single mother now, had had her share of dates and major experiences. She seemed to fit the profile. 

But he looked her way and she felt like a highschool teenager all over again. 

She somehow thought that was a bad thing sometimes. Shouldn't this be the time when maturity kicked in? 

'But we are mature! Aren't we?' 

Rachel recalled those days when they lived together before, right after Emma was born. They'd gone by alright, living almost as a married couple. They'd balanced it well. Knew and respected each other well enough to live in peace. Way more than peace. It was great, she had to admit to herself. Waking up and having breakfast with him, fight over the remote..! 

But... that didn't end well, now, did it? 

She sighed. Yes, very complicated indeed. 

Emma was pulling Rachel hard by the hand. When she realised that, she noticed she'd been leaned against the hallway door, resting, for too long. Emma sure looked unpatient and Rachel smiled. 

"You miss daddy, huh?" 

Emma looked back at her mother and continued to pull her closer to the door she knew to be her daddy's. 

Rachel unlocked it and Emma pushed it open. 

Ross was on the couch, working on his laptop. Imediately, he turned around and smiled at his girls. 

"Hi, Emma!" 

"Dadda!" 

Emma let go of Rachel's hand and once again ran towards open arms. Ross embraced her and kissed her hair countless times. 

"Oh, Daddy missed you so much!" 

Rachel stood by the door and smiled. Watching Ross and Emma together was one of her favorite things to do. They loved each other _so_ much. At that moment, she couldn't believe she had even considered taking them away from each other. 

Ross sat Emma down on his lap and looked at Rachel. That alone made the butterflies in her stomach wake up. 

"How was it?" 

"Fine" 

She dropped all of Emma's things on the floor and sat down next to them. Ross aproached and kissed her so softly. All she could do was smile. 

"Hi" he whispered with a caring and soft voice. 

She closed her eyes in bliss, it was those simple gestures of his that she had missed so terribly. 

"Hi you" she whispered back, much like him. 

Ross kissed her forehead and looked back down at Emma. The little girl had this curious look on her face, looking at her parents. This was sure something she had never seen them do before. Rachel smiled. 

She could tell! Emma could tell! 

Emma covered her mouth with both her hands and giggled. Ross and Rachel laughed. She was so, so adorable... 

"Look at that, she knows" 

"She looks happy, doesn't she?" he commented. "Are you happy for mommy and daddy, sweetie?" 

Rachel smiled adoringly at them. Emma was smiling brightly and Ross had such devoted eyes pointed at their daughter. 

After a while, Ross set Emma down on her request. Rachel watched her atempt to open her toy bag by herself and then helped her out. Once Emma was back to playing with her blocks - Rachel wondered if that dedication had something to do with a possible architecture destiny - Rachel went back to the couch. 

Ross had turned to the computer again, but gladly turned away from it when Rachel softly ran a hand up his back. He smiled at her and she wondered if they should talk about her doubts. 

But they'd done so much talking lately... 

Maybe there was nothing he could say that would convince her. There was nothing for sure in this world, after all! 

"You okay?" he asked. 

She smiled and nodded. She loved it how much he cared and how well he knew her. 

"I'm fine. I'm just... tired. It's been a lot for a couple of days, you know?" 

"Yeah, I kinda do." 

She smiled wider at the look at satisfaction on his face. It'd been all worth it, in his eyes. 

"Yeah..." 

She leaned closer and kissed his lips. She'd missed them. She knew exactly how he liked to be kissed and loved kissing him like that. His response came quick and he kissed her back just the way she knew he knew she liked it. What a fun, fun game. They already knew so much about each other. The what-to-dos, the what-not-to-dos...! That would probably keep them away of falling into the web of mistakes again. 

And this was so... right. 

They broke and happily smiled at each other. 

"I'm so glad you got off the plane" 

Rachel hugged him. 

"Me too" 

And she knew her words were true. 

They cuddled and watched Emma play. 

Like a happy little family. 

If she was in Paris... she'd be opening boxes to a new house. She'd be trying to open her heart to new people, to a new man. It hit her. That too would come along with risks. Greater risks. But Ross... she knew him. And, God, she _loved_ him. _She loved him_! With her arms wrapped around him, she knew she never wanted to let go. And she'd give everything to keep that from happening. 

She deserved that. They deserved that. And so did Emma. 

Rachel closed her eyes and sighed. 

They were going to make it. 

_"Say goodbye to yesterday, Those are words I'll never say..."_

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The end!!! It's a one part fic, yes!!! I had to get it out of my system! I know I said I wasn't going to write a new fic untill I finished my "old" one (The one to give), but this is a short story, so I don't think it counts! :) I just really-really had to write it...! And I sat down and wrote this so fast it's scary! haha! Please leave me a review, I might be writing more fics like this in the future! Mwah! :)  
Oh, and the song you can find lyrics of around the story is called "This used to be my playground", written by Madonna and Shep Pettibone, performed by Madonna herself :) 


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